The Worst Domain Names Ever

Picking the right domain name can be as stressful as choosing a name for your firstborn child: You’ve looked through list after list of names, but none of them are right for that sweet little rosy-cheeked cherub staring back at you.

When parents start getting creative is when we start seeing some of the more … interesting names on birth certificates (refer to all those crazy celebrity love children: Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Apple, Michael Jackson’s son Blanket, Tom Cruise’s daughter Suri …).

But when people get creative with their domain names, you get slurls: unintentionally funny URLs, or just plain bad URLs. Here’s a list of our favorite courageous people, “parents” if you will, who had the right level of spirit and ingenuity naming their domain, but didn’t realize just how creative they had been.

Whorings.com

“Who Rings” is an online caller ID service: just type in the number of whoever just called you and, voila, you have the location of where they called from.

And as it turns out, all those calls are coming from the Warehouse District’s street corners.

Publishit.com

Unfortunately this domain is no longer available, but for a good while, they probably published just about anything you sent them.

Wombeat.com

Word of Mouth Beat: Your online yellow pages for anything that spreads by word of mouth. Or it’s WombEat.com, for when you’re feeling hungry and need a double dose of protein in your diet.

Americanscrapmetal.com

Be a good American and recycle some of that metal you crapped out the other day.

Lesbocages.com

Les Bocages is French for “The Groves.” In this case, it’s the name of a high-end gardening service for your multi-million dollar home. In a much more vibrant world, it’s LesboCages.com, your one-stop-shop for lesbians locked inside human-sized bird cages. Hey, how else is that eccentric millionaire going to entertain his guests?

Oldmanshaven.com

Looking for a nice cabin to rent out in the woods? Come on down to Old Man’s Haven for some fine wood homes! Or come to OldManShaven.com, where we will tie up and shave an old man for your viewing pleasure, in a cabin, deep in the woods.

If that doesn’t tickle your fancy, why not try your luck at achildshaven.com?

Ipwine.com

If you’re looking for a vineyard that “offers an atmosphere of relaxation…” then you’ve come to the right place. Ingleside Vineyards: The wine comes in, the wine comes out.

Lumbermansexchange.com

We are proud of your courageous decision, Lumberjack buddy, and we commend you on going through with it. Also, “TIMBER!!!!!” (*Unfortunately they are now LBXonline.com)

Amigonefuneralhome.com

And last, but certainly not least, Amigone Funeral Homes. A place where the dead can contemplate if they’re really dead or not.

And there you have it: Parents so excited with their new domain names, they took it one level farther than they intended. So if you’re out there on the great frontier known as the web, look out for those slurls, young traveler. If you find one, send it our way.